You Always Hurt The One You Love
by Insane Vampiress
Summary: Buffy realizes what she’s doing to Spike in the alley and helps him recover. Buffy/Spike, Xander/Anya, Willow/Tara. CHAPTER 5 IS UP!
1. Wounded and Helpless

Title: You Always Hurt The One You Love  
Author: Insane Vampiress  
Setting: During the alley scene in "Dead Things"  
Pairings: Buffy/Spike, Xander/Anya, Willow/Tara  
Rating: PG-13(probably in later chapters)  
Summary: Buffy realizes what she's doing to Spike in the alley and helps him recover.  
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Fox, UPN, etc. own the show and characters, if I did Spike wouldn't get beaten so often.  
Author's Note: Aw, poor Spikey, and I'm not being sarcastic. I have writer's block on what to write next in my other stories, so I wrote this while trying to think. Please read and review. Buffy and Spike Forever!!!  
  
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~Wounded and Helpless~  
  
Buffy looked down at her beaten, bruised, broken, and bleeding lover.  
  
She thought about what he had said. 'You always hurt the one you love, pet.' Right after he said it, Spike had passed out and now looked like a normal dead body.  
  
"Oh, my god," Buffy whispered, realizing how badly she had hurt him. She got off of him and saw that his eyes were almost swollen shut. She felt like she was going to hurl. He was so helpless. She was crying and she knew he had been trying to help her by hiding the body because he cared about her and Dawn.  
  
Buffy closed her eyes to quell the new tears that were threatening to escape. The slayer bent her head down and lightly, being very gentle, kissed his forehead. She stroked the wounds on his cheek that her fists had caused and wished that she could take back the stuff she'd said to him and what she had done, or at least be able to instantly fix what happened. Spike's body and feelings were both deeply injured. They both flinched.  
  
"I'm so sorry." She lifted him up knowing that there wasn't much time before sunrise and carried him back to her house.  
  
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When Buffy got to the door, she heard her friends talking and wondered how to explain this, especially to Dawn. She also wondered how she was going to open the door without dropping Spike.  
  
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Author's Note: That's the first chapter, I'll try to update faster. Hey, did that rhyme? I'll try writing longer chapters, too. Please READ & REVIEW! 


	2. Start the Helping

Author's Note: Here's the second chapter.  
  
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~Start the Helping~  
  
Buffy maneuvered Spike's body so that one hand was free enough for her to lean in and lightly knock on the door. She heard Dawn yell, "I'll get it!" and tensed.  
  
The door opened and Dawn's smile turned into a gasp of disbelief, shock and absolute horror.  
  
"What happened to him?"  
  
Buffy didn't look her sister in the eye and quietly said, "I'll explain when we get inside." Then she brushed passed the Key, trying very hard not to disturb her vampire.  
  
Dawn worriedly closed the door and followed.  
  
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Buffy was only slightly surprised to see Tara sitting on the couch next to Xander and Anya.  
  
"Hi," the witch said in her quiet voice. She sounded like she wanted to run away.  
  
"Hey, Buffster.... Whoa! What got to Bleach Boy?" He didn't sound as concerned about Spike as he did about what could do that to him.  
  
"Xander, we should go. I need to make sure D'Hoffryn can come to the ceremony," Anya said with her usually cheerful attitude.  
  
"Ahn, why do we need to invite -all- of your demon friends?"  
  
"Hey, we're inviting -your- family-"  
  
"Um, guys, he's getting kind of heavy. Could you move off the sofa?" Buffy asked, mostly to get their attention.  
  
"Sure. Sorry," Tara mumbled quickly getting to her feet and moving out of the way. Xander and Anya continued bickering, but walked over to a horrified Dawn.  
  
The Slayer gently placed Spike down on the couch and started to cry again. Xander was shocked and just stared at her as she lightly ran her fingers through his curling platinum-blonde hair.  
  
"Buffy, you said you'd tell me what happened."  
  
"He was just trying to help," she replied, her voice wavering. Her eyes were still watching her lover intently.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Dawn questioned through her own tears. "Did something attack him?"  
  
Buffy looked up, her face completely tear-streaked, and said, "Only me."  
  
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Author's Note 2: Sorry for another short chapter. I'm really trying to write more. Thanks to Chelsi for talking to me. Please read and review. 


	3. Explanation Part 1

Author's Note: Here's the third chapter. I know, finally.  
  
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~Explanation Part 1~  
  
Tara was the first one to break the silence that followed. "What d- do you m- mean, Buffy?" She was trying use a reassuring tone as she spoke.  
  
Before the vampire slayer could answer, a very cheerful Willow came in.  
  
"Hey, guys. What's..." She paused for a second and her grin and her voice became weaker as she said, "Tara."  
  
Tara ducked her head down and her hair dropped around her head, hiding her face. "Hi, W- Willow... h- how are y- you?" The Wicca was nervous and her stutter was uncontrollable as she tried to remain calm.  
  
"Fine, I haven't done any spells for a long time now," at this Tara looked up and they shared an uncomfortable smile.  
  
Anya watched them with fascination before speaking, "You know, if I was still a vengeance demon, I might start granting wishes for scorned women who are lesbians. Even though I usually cursed evil men." Willow and Tara were staring at the floor and if you saw their frightened faces you also would have seen that the redhead's face was pink with embarrassment.  
  
"Ahn. Don't we have something to do or somewhere to be?" Xander asked his fiancee uneasily.  
  
Anya looked at him thoughtfully, "I guess we could go have sex." Xander was bright red by now.  
  
Buffy finally stopped crying for a minute. Now, she was kneeling next to the sofa and held Spike's hand in hers. "I have to explain before you guys go," she said softly with sadness in her voice.  
  
"Explain what, Buff?" Xander asked, he was bordering on the edge of sarcasm because of the way the Slayer was acting about the chipped master vampire.  
  
"Explain everything," she replied.  
  
Dawn, Tara, and Anya were figuring it out, so the ex-vengeance demon piped in, "Buffy and Spike have been having sex. Right?"  
  
Willow looked slightly pale at this comment and Xander started talking, "Anya! No, they haven't. Buffy would never... with that."  
  
Tara looked at the Slayer and spoke, "You have, haven't you?"  
  
Buffy watched the unconscious vampire lovingly, "Yes."  
  
Xander started stuttering, "Y- you m- mean yes to you h- haven't? R- right? Right?"  
  
"You have, Buffy? What was it like? I mean, he's really hot... and he loves you. He's a good fighter, too," Dawn was ranting/rambling with excitement.  
  
The vampire slayer looked at everyone, "He's my lover." Xander fainted.  
  
Spike stirred back into consciousness, "Buffy, love?" She turned back towards him. "What's going on?"  
  
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Author's Note 2: I know that I said I'd write longer chapters, but I'm trying really hard and decided everyone had been waiting too long for the third chapter. 


	4. Explanation Part 2

Author's Note: Why wasn't fanfiction.net working? I couldn't log-in or change settings, etc. and it's annoying! This chapter was written off the top of my head. Oh, and this chapter has more Willow/Tara in it.  
  
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~Explanation Part 2~  
  
Spike watched everyone with curiosity, especially Buffy. It hurt to move, but he wanted to know what was going on. "Well, pet? What *is* going on?" he finally asked.  
  
She looked at him and said softly, "I'm sorry. For the alley... for everything."  
  
The vampire was shocked, he'd never heard her say those words to him. He just expected her to treat him like dirt until she realized how she felt. He thought she would just use him and then, she would actually be... what kind? Civil? He was very deep in thought, but she brought him out of it with her words, "I told them about... us.... Xander wasn't very happy."  
  
Anya chirped in now, "He's unconscious. He fainted when she said that you were her-"  
  
"Ahn." Xander was starting to wake up now.  
  
Anya smiled brightly. "Good, you're awake. Can we go home now?"  
  
"Wait... I have to explain what happened," Buffy said before Xander could answer.  
  
"Okay, Buff. But, you have a *lot* of explaining to do," he said bitterly.  
  
The slayer waited until everyone was quiet. They all stared at her expectantly. Xander looked pissed. Anya looked like she always did when people spoke about their sex lives, excited. Tara looked nervously back and forth between Buffy and Willow. Dawn pulled off looking angry, excited, freaked out, but mostly happy. Willow was playing with her hands and, like Tara, looking alternately between Buffy and her ex-girlfriend. Spike looked like he would burst out of surprise, and Buffy watched him mostly, sometimes glancing at her friends and sister.  
  
She was about to start speaking when the phone rang. She stood up quickly and picked it up. "Hello?"  
  
"Hello, Buffy," said a familiar english voice.  
  
"Giles!"  
  
"Yes. I just wanted to check on you and Dawn. How have you been?"  
  
"Okay, I guess," she was done lying to him. After all, he was more of a father than Hank Summers had ever been.  
  
"Oh, did something happen?"  
  
'It's now or never,' she thought to herself. "I want to tell you a few things, Giles. Okay?"  
  
The Scoobies watched her closely and Spike desperately tried to stay conscious.  
  
"Yes, Buffy. Of course I'll always listen," Giles said reassuringly over the phone.  
  
"It's about Spike... and me... and us."  
  
"'Us'?"  
  
"Yeah, I've been... sleeping with him," she glanced over toward the vampire to see him look flabbergasted, hopeful, and so loving toward her. That gave her the strength to tell them everything. "Giles Spike and I have been... together... since a while after I got back."  
  
Xander looked disgusted. Tara felt like she should leave, then Willow sat down and pt her hand on Tara's. The blonde-brown haired witch looked at her shyly. Then, leaned over and kissed Willow lightly on the lips.  
They smiled at each other.  
  
The slayer ignored Giles raving and hung up the phone.  
  
As she looked around, Buffy saw them and knew that some people were meant to be. Were she and Spike?  
  
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Author's Note 2: Another short chapter. Sorry to anyone who reads this! The next one is "Explanation Part 3" 


	5. Explanation Part 3

Author's Note: Sorry this took so long to update. This may make no sense whatsoever...plus I can't remember the other chapters very well.  
Disclaimer: A part of a quote in here is from episode #115, which is in season six, titled "As You Were." (Yeah, folks, there'll probably angst.)  
  
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~Explanation Part 3~  
  
Anya and Xander sat down at the kitchen table because the carpenter was currently unable to look one of his best friends, the Slayer, in the eye. He had gone into the kitchen to escape the situation and Anya had followed, persistently asking if they could go home and have sex now.  
  
Xander got up and looked into the living room, shaking his head. He saw the 'couples' and noticed that Dawn was falling asleep in her chair, the only thought that came to his mind at this was: How sweet can that girl be....  
  
Buffy was sitting on the couch with Spike's head in her lap. Her hand absently stroked his semi-curled hair and he seemed to be unconscious. The Vampire Slayer looked over at Willow and Tara, the two were smiling and staring at each other.  
  
Willow and Tara could only see each other, and Buffy wished she hadn't ruined her friendship with Spike. She could talk to him about nothing and everything...just anything, any thought. She missed that. 'Why,' she would ask herself sometimes, 'do I even want to be around him? Why haven't I staked him?' Other times though, she thought, 'How can I think of hurting him? He's such a sweet creature.' The latter were what she tried to never think, and had been successful at not thinking them from the night at the abandoned house to now. She needed an explanation, but she didn't want to wake her vampire lover after everything she had put him through, he deserved to rest.  
  
The feisty, demon-battling blonde carefully moved out from under Spike. She stood up and Spike's less swollen eye opened and watched her. Buffy looked down at him and sighed, she might as well ask him later. After all, he was still sore since she had beaten him to a bloody pulp.  
  
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It had been an hour since Buffy had left him by himself on the couch and he had gotten some much needed sleep during that time.  
  
The vampire sighed and watched as Buffy walked down the stairs from her room - where she had been hiding.  
  
She approached him cautiously and gave him a sympathetic look when he tried to smile at her and winced in pain. He once again watched her.  
  
"Spike? Are you awake?" she asked.  
  
His voice was a hoarse whispe, "Yeah, luv."  
  
The Slayer looked to see no one around, "Can we talk?"  
  
"Aren't we already?" He was trying to sound like he was alright, but she knew better by now.  
  
She kneeled on the floor next to him, her face a blank mask, "I needed an explantion for my feelings around you, there was none," she started seriously. "Spike, what happened between us..." she blushed a little before her face again showed no emotion. "This is killing me," the Slayer looked at some of the various bruises and wounds visible from her position, sadness seeping into her features, "...and I'm killing you."  
  
Spike looked at her with anguish, tears threatening to pour down his mottled face, "Buffy..."  
  
"I'm sorry." Then, she left him there to deal with their emotional mess.  
  
~To Be Continued...~  
  
Author's Note 2: What do you think? Angsty enough for ya? Sorry if you don't like angst, but it *is* listed in the genre. Review please, it'll probably help get to the fluffiness of chapters to come. By the way, sorry the chapter is short. 


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